I will not tread lightly into this season of my life. The middle season. Between the sunrise and the sunset. The peak season, nestled amongst the dark and the light. I will be steadfast, enveloped by a consciousness of intention. Bold and brave. Soft and heartfelt, as I remember all that carried me into this season.
Some of the most precious moments of my life happened in my sunrise season – that of marrying my soulmate and life partner, and of course the birth of our two children. The sunrise season of sacrifice and hard work. Of dreams and uncertainty. There are countless moments that engulf me. Memories of snuggle time under a blanket while reading a book aloud. Disney movies that I actually looked forward to viewing from our children’s perspective through wonder filled eyes and innocent hearts. Cookies made from dough filled hands, as chocolate morsels dance across the countertop begging to be snatched up. And all the usual, expected (extra)ordinary moments like birthday parties, dances, roasting marshmallows by the fire, family night and graduations. They were all such wondrous times, much too glorious to encapsulate.
Gold coins overflowing in life’s fountain. Abundant and glimmering. Invaluable.
Today, I feel riper than I ever have before. Not yet ready to be picked from life’s branches. Nor wanting to fall to the ground to be swept into the wind. Instead, I will stand firm with the wind at my back and the sun upon my face. I’ll gaze upward to feel the warmth and love of family and friends as it ignites my spirit. So I pause and count my blessings. Grateful for all that I have. And pray that my husband, Sam, and I will dance into our sunset season together of mostly sound mind and body.
I stand in awe of this beautiful season. The peak season of so much potential. When our lives are no longer dictated by our children’s busy schedules. Of drop offs and drop ins. I remember the early years when on somedays I felt a sense of accomplishment simply because I showered and prepared dinner. When five minutes to myself felt like a lifetime. And a good nights sleep really was a dream.
And it goes without saying, what no parent should have to experience, no matter the season – the loss of a child, our son. Grafted through my every bone, jointed together with my soul. What didn’t make sense, yet somehow I now understand. The universe beckons and I am still. Comforted by everlasting love.
I see the sunrise, though. Now in the eyes of our young adult daughter as she makes her way in the world. For her I wish that the crumbs of life’s lessons always lead her in the right direction. I can already see that we’ve instilled in her enough instinct to follow her own path. To be true to herself. To challenge her internal and external self. To learn from her mistakes. And most importantly, to know beyond anything else, she is loved and accepted unconditionally.
And I know the sunrise will one day shine even brighter in the eyes of a grandchild, as I watch my daughter’s reflection shine back at me with every glance.
The peak season…as I stand between cherished memories and new hopes and dreams. Realizing a renewed vitality and wisdom that it brings. I will enjoy this season, this cycle of life, relaxed and unencumbered by the noise.
Hopefully we’ve been good students in life’s classroom. We’ve all faced the pop quizzes and the tests we weren’t prepared for. We’ve worked on overcoming our fears and learning from our mistakes. Our stories and lessons continue to be passed down to the next generation. And back out we go, to soak up more of what life has to teach us.
Our virtual cycle of life revolves around us in real time. Constantly swirling and changing the winds that direct us. Vibrating in the airways like a silent transmitter of change. I embrace this season, open-mindedly, for all that it offers. I look forward to many more memories that await me at the very peak of my life.
If we’re lucky enough, many many years from now, as we take the “cross country course of life,” if the universe abides with us. While stopping to explore along the way – I’ll run slowly and exhaustively to the finish line, hand in hand with my sweetheart, out of breath for having run the full course.
Until lastly, the closing of the curtain…the final sunset. As we watch the calm restorative sun sink into the earth. Forgiving of the day. Leaving us peaceful until the darkness. Or is it the light?
Sounds like heaven to me.
“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.” Anne Bradstreet
karen draper ~ writer 
Reblogged this on NESTpirations ~from our not so empty nest and commented:
My anniversary reblog for this week – one of my stories that has been “hiding in the basement.” I hope you enjoy it!
This is very powerful and full of contemplation. You can see your heart when you write! 🙂
❤
Lorrie, as a writer, one of the most profound words to hear (for me at least), is that you can see my heart… I am so grateful and appreciative. Thank you. ❤ ~Karen~
So welcome Karen…Thank YOU!! So happy we connected 🙂
Karen, I could read your ‘life’ stories forever and always. You capture a crumb, kneading it into a loaf of bread. How very gifted you are. I thank God for allowing us to ‘find’ each other. Beautiful post.
You’ve touched me with your very kind words, Kim. I, too, feel very blessed that we found each other. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly. ❤ ~Karen~
This was such a great way to describe the beginning and exciting years of marriage, parenthood and teaching, learning that went on during the “sunrise period” of our lives, Karen!
You gave such a wonderful description of child-raising, along with your heartbreak, which I cannot even imagine this fully. I ‘know’ only a tip of the iceberg of this sorrow. You have given us such gentle, loving explanations, but we did not live through this horrible period of time with you, your husband and daughter. Losing your son, is imprinted on my brain, that is how deeply I feel about your friendship with me. If only I had been one of the hugs that circled you, at that time…
The “peak season” of our lives, how lovely a description of our ’empty nest syndrome.’ I prefer your special label and I think you need to rush to the ‘copyright’ office, submit it to Dr.Oz and go on Oprah Winfrey’s channel “O.!” I love this idea that we are not withering but bursting into our own experiences, what we ‘were meant to be and do!’ Thanks for this richly woven post, with so many special threads that meant a lot to me, Karen! Hugs, Robin
Awww…tears. My arms encircle you, Robin, with a huge hug of gratitude and love for your friendship and beautiful thoughts. And yes, you do ‘know’ – I didn’t realize we had miscarriages in common, as well. I’m so touched that my writing meant a lot to you, my sweet friend. Tis life – Love and Loss. Fullness and emptiness. And many many peaks. hugs & love. ~Karen~
What I like so much about this post is the celebration of where you are in life – instead of looking over your shoulder at all that was, you are looking forward with a grateful heart while savoring where you are right now. That’s a very special quality.
Thanks Barbara, I appreciate that. Both of our children taught us a new form of gratitude. And through all of our son’s trials and tribulations we learned to appreciate ‘every’ now. 🙂 ~Karen~
This was stunningly beautiful. How great a life! To run breathlessly to the end, and in hand, or in to the hands of others waiting!!! My heart beat faster just reading this.
Wow, Colleen. I truly don’t know what to say but Thank YOU for your very kind, inspirational words. To read “my heart best faster…touched my heart in an indescribable manner. Life IS great, no matter what, LIFE is great! 🙂 ~Karen~
😀 Indeed it is Karen! And you are very welcome!
This is a very beautiful and moving piece. I absolutely love it. 🙂
Thanks Adrienne. It means so very much. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 ~Karen~
Hello there, Karen, and happy blogversary!! How is it we have only just stumbled on each other? 😊 This is a BEAUTIFUL piece and describes more or less to a tee where I am in life right now. I am sure I could not have described them in any way as thoughtful or touching, but I feel you have plucked these thoughts out of my own heart. Well done, you!! I look forward to following your journey, and so appreciate that a writer and thinker of your calibre has bothered to follow mine. 😊 How lovely to meet you! Mother Hen
Well hello there back, Adrienne! And thanks for the blogversary wishes, my dear! I do. not. KNOW. how we never discovered each other…perhaps the universe conspired against us or some other diabolical plot that sounds far more interesting than reality. Which is – I haven’t been the best at getting around to other blogs lately. Were building a house that’s had a lot of problems attached to it. Anyway. I’m delighted to know you now and to hear that we are at the same Peak place in our lives. Your lovely comments on my writing really moved me. So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Looking forward to our shared stories and laughter along the way. All the best. ❤ ~Karen~
Exquisitely written from the depths of your heart. Encompassing all around you, all what has been and all that you have to look forward to. I am in awe of your writing K, this piece gave me hope that I too can look forward to the years that I am granted on this earthly coil. Beautifully, beautifully expressed and written. ❤ xx
Abundant thanks to you my dearest, Jen. It means so much coming from you. I do feel as if I’m in my Peak season, gloriously…because of all that has happened to me. Because I allowed myself to dwell within the valleys and listen to their lessons. (The ones hardest to hear or feel). I’m so very glad this gave you hope, when I know that right now, a thing called ‘hope’ feels once removed for you. You will get there… I so believe in you and the enormity of your love, Jen. hugs & love ❤ ~Karen~