Last month Sam and I celebrated forty years of marriage. Forty seems more tender that thirty-nine somehow. Forty complete stories lived together that took root from our seemingly benign beginnings. Our first date. The gentle first kiss as snow fell around us. The way he looked at me as I walked down the aisle. A promotion that took us out of state. Champagne. An unexpected first pregnancy. And the first crisis. This was our beginning chapter.
All forty of our chapters are here for our keeping, preservation and honor. All the mere words that have defined our life – love, disability, illness, advocacy, joy, laughter, humor, understanding, death and grief…ultimately define our love.
Disability and illness led us to a greater understanding of each other and the world at large. Of how unimportant it was if the lawn got mowed or not. Gratitude took the form of things that could be touched and felt. Like a healthy baby girl and a seizure free day. Then the loss of a child, (our son) the ultimate test, if there is such a thing, as we fell together and separately. All while holding tight to our daughter.
Yesterday afternoon we watched The Blindside. I’d forgotten how good it was. Though it’s a football themed movie, it’s really about unconditional love, trust, family, faith and advocacy for who and what you believe in.
I think the biggest lesson Sam and I have learned from forty years of marriage is that no matter how happy, sad or questionable the day – every moment is an opportunity for growing love and having each other’s blindside.
And maybe it’s as simple as sprinkling the number 40 with cinnamon on your wife’s cappuccino, just because.
Every moment is an opportunity for growing love and having each other’s blindside.
Karen Draper
karen draper ~ writer 
I just read your post, almost a year after it was written. Congratulations on your 40th anniversary. I pray that you have more years (anniversaries) to celebrate together.
I just wrote a post on ‘Blindsides’ and noticed that you watched the movie. It’s a good movie, but I wish the focus was on the player overcoming various adversities in life rather that the family that adopted him. Or better yet, a shared focus. Love your quote – it’s a good thing having each other’s blindside.
Yes it is, indeed! I appreciate your perspective and look forward to reading your blog post.
Be well.
No sure really where to post this…was looking for an email address to send privately, but couldn’t find one. Your memoir has been sitting on my bookshelf for a year. It caught my eye yesterday and called my name. Currently on page 100. Teardrops staining most every page. Happy tears, sad tears, empathetic tears. I’ve been on a similar journey for 10 years now. I know your joy, your struggle. I feel your optimism and your fear. I’m there. I’m the mom who will be sending her little munchkin into an inclusive school on Tuesday. Thank you for sharing your journey. I know that these pages will help my so much on mine.
Hi Hope – I’m so glad The Place of Us resonates with you. How could it not – you and your munchkin have been through much the same I’m sure. Boy or girl? Thank you for reading my story, it means the world to me – especially coming from a sister warrior mama. Good luck with school this year!
My email is drapersmeadow4@gmail.com. I’d love to talk with you.
Be well. 💚