I thought I would write a poem as I’ve always done to honor Preston on this, his Ninth Angelversary. However, on November 21 I had a very vivid dream that told me otherwise. So vivid I could smell the fresh, cool air like Autumn was waving Winter into existence. I felt my beloved boy’s soft cheeks and kissed them repeatedly as his hair brushed against my face while I hugged him. It was as if I had a visitation rather than a dream. The universe spoke and I couldn’t help but listen.
In my dream, as always, Preston was small. He was sitting at the top of a hill that looked a lot like my parents’ property on South Mountain where I grew up. The hill my sister, Julie and I used to sled down. Sam and Samantha were standing beside him, each wearing their big, signature smiles. Tucking his chin into his chest, Preston kept looking down the hill and kicking his legs. I asked him if he wanted to run down the hill. And all at once I heard a voice I haven’t heard since this bittersweet time of remembrance a year ago – the very first time I heard his voice in a dream. He excitedly said, “Uh huh.” So I lifted his body into my arms and ran the length of the hill with him. Reaching the bottom I stomped my feet and jostled him about, saying “Ta dah!” He belly laughed. I felt the bravery and joy of a true belly laugh vibrating through the permanence of the air as if electrons were charging my very soul. As I turned to run back to the top I noticed several different footprints that ran the length of the hill. Their various sizes imprinted into the earth claiming my heart and soul for all eternity. In my dream I stood gazing at the footprints for what seemed to be forever. And who knows – maybe I did stare at them seemingly for hours as I held Preston in my arms while my body lie slumbering. That’s the wonderment of dreaming, isn’t it?
Once at the crest I stomped my feet and jostled him about again, and somewhat out of breath proclaimed, “You conquered the hill!” We all laughed even more, the way we always used to laugh – Heartily. Our bellies pressing outwardly toward whatever was pressing in on us.
While I never ran up and down one hill with Preston, I appreciate the metaphor that was my dream. While carrying whatever life threw at us. At him. We always laughed.
Equally, I know my dream was about the book I’m ‘carrying.’ And I’m touched beyond the capacity mere words will allow. Since writing it I’ve had so many dreams about Preston – far more than before I started working on the book full time. It’s simply unexplainable in the conventional sense. But nothing about our red-headed boy was simple or explainable. Getting so close to what is stored in my memory place was one of the things that kept me from fully immersing myself in writing, years ago. I thought it would take me to a dark, scary place from which I’d never return. The only scary place was ‘thinking’ about what might scare me. Inaction was the scariest thing of all. My dreams and my writing have only served to enlighten me.
Without giving anything away, I will say that there are many unexplainable things in the book. This much I know to be a truth by which my heart operates – you cannot look at a single star in the night sky without seeing all the shiny things in your peripheral. In looking back at our twenty-three years with Preston and being shamelessly vulnerable in my writing; I’ve realized far beyond what I knew before, that love and wisdom forever dwell in all the broken little pieces that light up the sky. And that is the essence of my book, the truth before us and all the shiny little things that abound. I’m so happy to say that the book is three fourths of the way done. I can just about see it all grown up and out there in the world by itself. I simply cannot wait to share with all of you what my soul has heard.
Be extra kind this holiday season. LOVE YOUR PEOPLE. The world is without so many precious souls.
I wish everyone Peace and Love. Miss you all.
24 thoughts on “Conquering the Hill”
Preston looks like a wonderful boy and son. He makes one of the Best Angels in Heaven. There was a book about the littlest angel and his “job” was to polish the Star of Bethlehem. Your words brought tears to my eyes. This was a loving and heartfelt tribute to dear Preston. I missed you! Take care snd hope some special moments and memories give you comfort dear.
Thank you, Robin. I think of you often and I hope that all is well in your world. I wish I could stay in touch via blogging more often, but I don’t dare tempt myself! Best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Bright New Year!
Keep on putting the “pieces of the sky” and all your other wonderful thoughts into words together to fill your book up. I feel this will not only help others but also, complete the joy in your memories, Karen. Hope you will have the best, fantastic New Year, dear.
Oh, this is simply too beautiful for any of ‘my’ words. Your writing touches each and every soul who reads it, and I am honored to meet Preston once again. I see him there…sliding down a hill of happiness. My very best wishes to you and your family for a healthy and happy holiday season. I can not wait to read your book! Blessings.
Oh my dear – I love reading your beautifully crafted words and miss them so much, but I know myself too well…finally! Thanks, as always, for your kind words. I cannot wait to hand you a copy of my book! Holiday Blessings to you and yours.
I truly cannot wait to read your book, to laugh, to cry, to share the journey with the soul of Preston by our side. Such a gift you’ll write for all of us, Karen. Blessings in 2016.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with us. What a lovely gift, this dream.
It twas the loveliest of gifts, Colleen! Happy Holidays to you and yours. Blessing in the New Year. ~Karen~
I have no wit to share, Karen. But, I wanted to let you know that your post and your dream have touched me as nothing has in recent memory. I have lost nothing compared to your and Sam and Samantha’s loss. I wish you all peace, sweet dream memories, and the knowledge that you will be reunited once again when His kingdom comes. Praying for blessings for you all for the Christmas season and 2016. xxoo.
Sue – I don’t really know what to say to such a profoundly beautiful comment. I will carry this in my heart and pull it out when I’m struggling with a paragraph. Wishing you and your family Peace, Love and Blessings that will carry you into the new year. xoxo
I just found the answer to my question of a few minutes ago. Profound, poignant & beautiful. I do not know a loss such as this–but you have the gift to bring it home to your readers. Peace this season. Thank you for words.
You are very kind, Catherine. I still have much work to do and I can only hope that my book lives up to everyone’s expectations. Thanks for your generous words of encouragement. May the New Year bring happiness and a multitude of blessings your way.
The same to you, my friend–blessings of the season.
Dear Karen, your Dreams I think are more than dreams and you touched upon it your self saying it felt more like a visitation than a dream… You captured such a wonderful moment, within your descriptive visual narration of your encounter with Preston on the hill.. and that belly laugh of giggles one could almost feel his vibration in his voice in the joy you shared..
I am sure the journey of writing this book that is nearly completed is all part of the inner journey of healing, and I have no doubts what so ever who ever comes across it to read in the future, will soon find themselves uplifted and being healed from reading it…
Many thanks for your lovely comment upon my recent post Karen.. It was so lovely to have you visit.. Sending you and your loved ones here and beyond lots of love and harmony for the holiday season.. May you find Lots of Laughter in moments to be be treasured..
And I wish you a wonderful 2016 and I know your book will be the success it already is..
Love and Blessings… ❤ Sue ❤
You’re right, Sue – this dream was differently felt. I know the Universe is telling me I’m on the right path. I so appreciate your kind, intuitive thoughts. Wishing you Love, Laughter and Peace. Always. ❤
Have a joyous Season with ALL of those who draw close Karen.. Love and Blessings to you and yours ❤ Sue
What a deeply beautiful post. I definitely believe this was a visualization – a view into what is and what could be, a confirmation of all the love that surrounds us. The footprints prove it. Your writing proves it also. Brilliantly illuminating.
I’m positive it was a visualization, visitation, as well. And I’m so thankful for its message. Thanks for your always encouraging words…coming from you it means a lot. Happy New Year! ❤
And Happy New Year to You. xo
Karen, such a beautiful dream. It sounds as though the year of writing has been well worth it as you filled your heart with lots of those “little broken pieces” that are so full of love and wisdom. I loved your dream of Preston, those belly-laughs that you can again have and all those footprints. Your book when finished is going to be just as beautiful and I know will guide others to find their own peace. Look forward to the time you finish it and we may see more of you but until then I hope you have a Happy Christmas and a productive year of writing in 2016. Love Irene
It was astounding, Irene! And, YES – devoting this past year to writing has been so rewarding. I’m reminded of a quote… “Energy flows where attention goes.” (or something like that) Thank you for your wise and kind words, as always, Irene. Happy New Year!
Dear Karen, how is that it is mid-May and I am only just now reading this? Yet, I can understand why, because since mid December I have struggled mightly with so much, including my memoir, at least finding the time to write it, and then since after Christmas, so long ago yet only a whisper away, it has been full on. And yet, I know that our connection is not lost, I think of you and I am so heartened by all you share here, your dream, your writing, your revelations and how you faced your fears and kept writing anyway, guided by Preston’s footprints leading you, helping you carry your words to their fruition, staying close in your loving arms. God bless you dear Karen…you are almost there, your light-filled message soon revealed to those who need to read it the most ❤
Ahhh Sheri, I can almost hear your voice talking to me as I read your sweet words. ‘Life’ keeps us wrapped up in its busyness, doesn’t it, dear friend?
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with your memoir and I hope that nothing serious is keeping you away from writing your beautiful words.
I am this close, (picture my thumb and pointer finger tapping together) from finishing my book. And you are officially invited to my book launch party, my dear. I cannot wait to meet you and give you a humongous hug. Sending you so much love. Karen
Thank you so much dear Karen, I hit those rough patches and then I find my way through. Life is up and down, my daughter and her struggles, my mother had a stroke in March, but recovering thank God, and just the usual ‘stuff’ of life. But…here we are. And you bring me so much encouragement and I am beyond thrilled at your news…and a book launch party? Wow!! To meet you would be an absolute honour. Keep me posted with everything…cyber hugs and big love in the meantime coming your way my friend… 🙂 >3